On "Normals."

I come to you today as a young woman with Special Needs- I used to hate that term, but let's face it- I got 'em. I'm 22 and need someone to put my boots on, can't drive (have been assessed, not gonna happen with the current cars on the road) still need a rubber sheet on my mattress just in case.

I come to you- my Awesome Moms- with a question. Understand that I do not see any of you as Normal, and that I mean that as the highest compliment

WHY is there a switch in the heads of 'normal' people- who just do NOT get it- that makes them think they know better than a 'non-normal' someone who is neuro-atypical or physically disabled or has their crazy a bit less hidden?

Can we take it out?

I've got a screwdriver...

Happy, and most importantly, Peaceful Holidays!!

I'm thinking of all of you.

Light, Love, Energy and Peace

Ashley

I Survived Exams- And more!!!

I have one exam to write in January, but the rest, and all of my papers, are out of my way- But even more exciting....

I checked the mail today and got a SCHOLARSHIP! I am still in shock, it covers almost a full terms' tuition- But even just to GET it. WOW!!

Daily Almost Funny

For the first time in 5 years of university, Mom and I are not studying together for finals. She graduated in April.

This term, my laptop and I have taken up residence in the kitchen.

The following ensued- Mom just laughed, understanding perfectly.

Cast of Characters

Me

Sibing, herein referred to as Lizzie. Age 15.


*Lizzie leaves kitchen, turning off light to my left*

Me: Light on, please.

Lizzie: What? The light OVER your HEAD is on... (with all the indignance of fifteen)

Me, brain exploding: I need. That. Light.

Lizzie, backing away: Okay

*turns on light. Mom laughs from the den*

Ah, exam stress....

Rollercoster days

Pain is back down to 'too low for me to register' so I'll enjoy that while it lasts :) Some of you are going through tumultous times that you're blogging about- though I'm sure I'm only aware of half the issues- and some of you are having your trials and triumphs behind the scenes of your blogs.
Either way, I think of all of you daily.

As for me, I'm studying for finals. There were days I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far!

So cheers to all of you, and a pat on my own back for hanging in there.

On another note, does anyone know the name of the gremlin that lives in my laptop and *constantly* dirties my screen??

Feeling better

Hello, and happy belated Thanksgiving to all my American friends :) We do Thanksgiving in October, here. Has something to do with Canada's earlier growing season... Or so they tell me.

School is winding to a close, and there's really only Finals to conquer before 3 weeks of R and R over the holidays.

My pain flare is back down now- only 2 Torad*l yesterday, no Atas*l and only 1 today.

Have loved checking in on all of you to see how the holiday treated you.

Light, love and energry

Ashley

What I wanted- A little too late

If it weren't for bad luck- or perhaps ironic luck- I wouldn't have any.

Remember that pain flare I was looking for a post or two ago?

I got it- When I'm emotionally feeling better :P

So now it's Torad*l every 6 hours, and Atas*l 30 every four, and laughing at my silly self.

Recovery

Have sorted things out with school, and just need to get through the next 4 weeks.

Some of you have made drastic changes and great strides. I wish you all the best.

If there's any burning questions or anything, let me know. I'm here for all of you just as you are here for me.

Light, Love and Energy

A.

A Little More Difficult

I'm tired today, and a bit discouraged. My writing (independent, not academic) always suffers when my depression acts up... I hope I can get out of this place before finals. Will need to do some work this evening on grounding and finding balance.

My grandmother is out of hospital and baby Lily is home as well. Her Aunt had a nasty car accident on Saturday night- It was the fault of the cabdriver. Strange. I always thought you were safe in a cab. So for awhile, we had 4 family members at the local hospital- Everyone is out now, thankfully.

I'm wishing for things I shouldn't today. Feels a bit like if my pain flared up (I have a bulging disc, along with my CP, that causes intermittent but serious pain) I would at least have an excuse to feel like this. Am having some difficulties around food that Lady (my partner- From the Animaniacs bit "Okay Lady I love you bye-bye") wants me to connect with a therapist about.

Enough about me-

Sending Light Love and Energy to all my awesome followers

Ashley

PS: Daily Funny

Baby Lily is beautiful, but it is only now that her Mom is confessing that she had some nightmares pre-delivery. Julie's husband John (alias again of course) had an abnormally large head. It didn't end up coming to anything, but John was going to doctors for 2 years after he was born to check on this. Julie had a dread of a baby with a huge head- Turns out Julie's mother Margaret (alias, alias who's got the alias) was also having this dream- Luckily, baby Lily has a beautiful head!

Grateful Day

My cousin- herein referred to as Julie, the name her Mom *wanted* to call her- safely delivered her precious daughter, who *she* wanted to call Lily , but was outvoted(I see a theme) at 11:55 PM last night. Joy in our family. When Lily settles, Julie and her husband will begin the Foster to Adopt process. They had always planned to have a mix of bio and adopted kiddies.

Also, my grandmother who helped my VERY young Mom raise me came through minor neurosurgery *very* well today. She's currently sitting up and asking for soup. Life is good.

Typing away

I'm so glad that all of you lovely people want to follow me. I guess I'd better start typing.

Today I've realised the power of fear yet again- Not through myself this time. Fear can come from the oddest places- School, for example. And it can make us do the strangest things- Lie and avoid and lie so often that even *we* believe it... even lie to the people who love us, who would understand our fear and help us to bear it...

And this is from those of us with fairly good mental health!! What must it be like for kids with RAD who live every moment in fear that the people who love them must be kept away at the cost of life and death? Maybe this is a flawed understanding, but if fear is so paralysing for my nearest and dearest, and even to myself at times...

It's something to think about.

Pain is another thing that factors into my life and is a big part in my PTSD. During PT sessions when I was very small I was separated from my mother. If I cried during the painful stretches and exercises I would be taken out of the bright gym with toys and music and put into the "naughty girls room" with no toys, no music, and just the therapist until the hour was up...

To this day, I do not process pain correctly. If it is deep and real enough I will giggle hysterically. Those nearest to me now are helping me to realise that admitting to pain is okay, and I find that bloodstone helps with energy processes, so it's working out. Just some thoughts I wanted to share.

DAILY FUNNY

Just so you don't think this blog will be all introspection and doom and gloom (yours certainly aren't!) here is something funny that happened today. I have great friends- who will soon need pseudonyms- and today one of them had me in gales of laughter with a silly "Hate you" dance because she was jealous of a trip I could be taking...

Light, Love and Energy

Ashley

Welcome!

I hope I don't turn off any of the wonderful Awesome Moms I've found through my research into RAD with the name of this blog- Being a Lesbian is only a small part of who I am.

The "Rolladyke" nickname is used with utmost affection by my friends because I am a Wheelchair user, as well as a veritable roll-a-dex of information like cellphone numbers, other people's schedules, random facts about politics, medgeekery, first names and social information of University support staff and a plethora of connections in the University English Department and Government agencies. Guess Mom didn't realise what she was starting when she made me case manager of my ISSP (IEP team for my American friends) when I was a Sophmore in High School.

I am currently pursuing an English/Psychology degree with an eye towards Narrative Therapy or Attachment Therapy as a life path, hence my interest in RAD. I also volunteer as Youth Advocacy Facilitator with a Canada-Wide Youth exchange which is completely cross-disability. Here, I have worked with youth with mobility impairments (I have CP myself) Cystic Fibrosis, Ehler Dalos Syndrome, Traumatic Brain Injury, ADHD, ODD and FASD.

In my daily life, I also live with anxiety and depression, as well as PTSD from some of the CP treatments and emotional/sexual abuse I endured as a child. I am recovering well with the help of talk therapy and energy work, as well as a supportive social network which I hope includes all of you as well!

Please, ask me questions- I follow your lives avidly, and it's time you were at least able to follow mine if you liked.

Light, Love and Energy,

Ashley