Thursday, November 13, 2008

Typing away

I'm so glad that all of you lovely people want to follow me. I guess I'd better start typing.

Today I've realised the power of fear yet again- Not through myself this time. Fear can come from the oddest places- School, for example. And it can make us do the strangest things- Lie and avoid and lie so often that even *we* believe it... even lie to the people who love us, who would understand our fear and help us to bear it...

And this is from those of us with fairly good mental health!! What must it be like for kids with RAD who live every moment in fear that the people who love them must be kept away at the cost of life and death? Maybe this is a flawed understanding, but if fear is so paralysing for my nearest and dearest, and even to myself at times...

It's something to think about.

Pain is another thing that factors into my life and is a big part in my PTSD. During PT sessions when I was very small I was separated from my mother. If I cried during the painful stretches and exercises I would be taken out of the bright gym with toys and music and put into the "naughty girls room" with no toys, no music, and just the therapist until the hour was up...

To this day, I do not process pain correctly. If it is deep and real enough I will giggle hysterically. Those nearest to me now are helping me to realise that admitting to pain is okay, and I find that bloodstone helps with energy processes, so it's working out. Just some thoughts I wanted to share.


Just so you don't think this blog will be all introspection and doom and gloom (yours certainly aren't!) here is something funny that happened today. I have great friends- who will soon need pseudonyms- and today one of them had me in gales of laughter with a silly "Hate you" dance because she was jealous of a trip I could be taking...

Light, Love and Energy


1 comment:

Lisa said...

BTW, I forgot to tell you that I love your nickname. That's really funny.

Fear is soooo hard. It is hard for me too so I really cannot imagine what it would be like to be a radish and deal with it every second of e.v.e.r.y. d.a.y. It makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

I'm jealous of your trip too. Calgon take me away.